Step Five: Celebrate the days you didn’t cry; give yourself grace for the days you did.

I cried every single day for months. Some days it was misting around the corners of my eyes, some days a silent waterfall. I confess that the weekends were more of the guttural sob, but I really did try to reign those episodes in as much as possible! A name, a smell, a memory (and there were loads of memories!), a building, a song, a movie – anything could bring a stab of pain and a sob in the back of my throat. Truthfully, it made me so angry at myself! Why couldn’t I control my reactions and why did this whole thing cause me such emotional and physical pain? Then one day I read something that changed my anger into understanding.

“It hurts because it mattered.”

That was a turning point for me. Knowing that even though I would need to heal and even though I would need to move on, it hurt because it mattered. Sometimes it’s the simple things that the Holy Spirit uses to break through. Our El Roi sees us and meets us at the exact right time with the most perfect word. Praise Him!

Step Six: Let go of things that bring you pain.

Do you still have that necklace? How about that dress? Maybe those birthday/anniversary cards? Give them away, my friend. Dispose of those cards! If it has value, resell it – but you must release the things that bring you pain. Intentionally I kept a few things for my son, but I have those things packed away, out of sight.  The pictures are packed away also so that future generations will be able to have them.  I plan to create an online photo book so that I can store the book away and get rid of the photos. I am a genealogist so this is very important! 😊

Next, replace those things so that you aren’t left with a gaping hole. Take new photos, replace that dress, find a different necklace, and begin to build new memories that bring you grins – that leads to smiles – that lead to laughs – that leads to joy.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust in Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” 

Four years later I am standing in the Worship Center of my church bursting with songs of thanksgiving for the healing He provided to me and the hope He restored.

I pray earnestly that if you are amid loss and debilitating pain that you will lift your eyes to the hills, seek the Abba Father, and find true Joy in Him.

Tammy A


If you do not have a church home or are not connected to the one you attend currently. I invite you to visit mine! Follow this link where you can watch live each Sunday or catch up with previous weeks!

Tammy Adams

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Oklahoma Slices

Born and raised in Oklahoma; I have an amazing son and a gorgeous rescue Rottweiler named Archer. At Oklahoma Slices, I help women to triumph in the seasons of life they find themselves, especially the season of today.